


Get Ready With Me: Contouring and Conspiracy

by HenryMercury



Series: Henry's Cursed Killing Eve Week 2021 Collection [2]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: BeautyTube, Canon Compliant, Cursed Content Rating: High, F/F, Gen, Monologue, Scene: The Kiss on the Bus (Killing Eve), outside perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 20:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30077712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HenryMercury/pseuds/HenryMercury
Summary: Hey everybody and WELCOME back to my channel, today I’m going to be talking about what I think is one of the CRAZIEST viral stories to come out of the last. Few. Years.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Series: Henry's Cursed Killing Eve Week 2021 Collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211225
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35
Collections: Killing Eve Week 2021





	Get Ready With Me: Contouring and Conspiracy

**Author's Note:**

> Not proofread because frankly I can't stand it
> 
> Day 2 = first (real) kiss

Hey everybody and WELCOME back to my channel, today I’m going to be talking about what I think is one of the CRAZIEST viral stories to come out of the last. Few. Years. It’s been a while since I did a get ready with me video for you guys, and SO many of you have requested more of this type of video, so when I heard this story I thought: this is a PERFECT candidate for a video that’s just me chatting with you guys and doing my makeup. BECAUSE—for reasons I’ll get into soon—there is NO video I can show you of the actual incident. So without further ado, here is:

[Title card: THE LONDON BUS LESBIANS]

The BUS. LESBIANS. Now before I get into talking about this frankly INSANE series of events I’m going to prep my face with the NEW Colourpop Thirst Aid Hydrating Priming Moisturiser. I’ve been LOVING this product, it sinks into my skin SO smoothly and it has that delicious cucumber scent that you may recognise from a few of their other skincare products. I know not everybody likes it as much as I do, but if you’re into it, guys, this one is worth it. I really can’t get enough!

For my base I’m going to use my usual Fenty Beauty Pro Filt’r Soft Matte Longwear Foundation in the shade two-thirty and blend it out with a damp beauty blender.

SO I’m really keen to share this story with you guys because it involves two of the most reliably psychotic and just OBSESSIVE areas of the internet: ONLINE SLEUTHS and W. L. W TWITTER. No shade to you crazy gays out there though, you know I live for the drama too! Plus my best guy friend is gay and in fact I’m gonna throw a link to his channel right HERE so you can all check out his amazing tutorials. MWAH, love you sister!

It all started when a video of these two women FIGHTING on a London bus and then KISSING went viral. I have not seen the footage myself, but I’ve heard a lot from people who got a hold of the original video while it was available and they’ve all said one of the women was blonde and wearing like, a weirdly oversized suit, and the other was older, Asian and wearing like, ordinary clothes. The Asian woman was already on the bus and when she saw the blonde she just went FERAL. Like, this quiet lady in the back of the bus started SCREAMING and throwing HANDS and I’m pretty sure she even punched the blonde one in the face. On a PUBLIC. BUS. Can you even BELIEVE? Like imagine you were just minding your own business, taking the bus home from work or wherever and some bitches just start BRAWLING out of NOWHERE?

But wait. There’s more.

By the end of this fight the one in the suit has climbed on top of the other one like she’s got the upper hand, you know? And then—BAM—the Asian lady leans up and KISSES her and they both just. Stop. In so much shock. Like, I’m guessing these two had NOT kissed before, because it sounds like it was INTENSE. These fucking lesbians just hang there all horizontal and stare into each other’s eyes like there’s nobody else around for miles.

And THEN! And. Then. The Asian lady HEADBUTTS the blonde. Forehead on forehead and I’m not a doctor or anything but a lot of people have said they must have some sort of brain damage, which if you ask me would explain why you would physically fight and then make out on a BUS. I know I keep going on about the bus bit but really, can you think of anywhere LESS romantic? Or hygienic?

In the end of the video the blonde one gets off the bus and the Asian one goes back to just sitting there like none of it fucking happened. Normal day on the bus. What the hell, right?

Now that my foundation is set I’m going in with the—which one is this—the COMPLEXION BRUSH from the Morphe 2 The Sweep Life brush set. This collection is a set of four and this one as you can see is the largest, and it has these lovely dense angled bristles that I LOVE for applying my contour. I’m using the NARS Matte Bronzing Powder in the shade SAMOA for my contour today, and I’m gonna apply that under my cheekbones and along my nose, and then I’m also gonna blend it just. Like. This, onto the sides of my forehead. Then I’m going to blend in some extra warmth with the Laura Mercier Blush Infusion in the shade CHAI.

The next part of the mystery of the bus kissers is that this footage went VIRAL very quickly and then the next minute it TOTALLY. DISAPPEARED. You know how hard it is to get stuff off the internet once it’s a meme? I haven’t heard about anyone getting DCMA takedown notices or any of that, their videos just disappeared overnight. Even SCREENCAPS from these videos straightup VANISHED. All at once. Zero warning. People had reaction gifs saved on their phones and shit, and even THAT somehow self-destructed overnight. People were freaking. Out. Legitimately wondering if it was a mass hallucination.

After the blush I’m adding some of my signature Becca Moonstone liquid highlighter which you guys know I absolutely swear by—I’m just going to dab that on with my finger like so, onto the cheekbones brows and cupid’s bow. I’m keeping my eye look relatively simple today with some Too Faced Killer Liner 36 Hour Waterproof Gel Eyeliner pencil on my lower lash line and then some neutral shades from the Dior Backstage eye palette in Warm Neutrals, starting out with this little eyeshadow primer that’s actually in the top left corner of the palette which I just think is so CUTE.

The theory that I buy into the most about the bus video, if I’m honest with you—and please don’t think I’m some sort of flat earther or nine eleven truther because that is NOT me, but I DO think that THIS particular theory has merit. It’s kind of known in internet circles as the SECRET AGENT THEORY and the idea is that these—well you know spies have to keep their cover, and these security agencies have a lot of influence over the internet that you and I will never have, no matter how much I want to remove all photos of myself from before I knew how to use brow pomade properly.

So if one or both of these women works for a government AGENCY, then that could be why the whole incident has been scrubbed out so well. And because it’s been done so well it follows that they would have to be fairly high-value agents to have this much trouble gone to for them. I mean, whoever wanted this video gone is GASLIGHTING the ENTIRE internet.

I personally like to think that these two were ENEMY AGENTS, but I’m real enough to tell you that this is where theory veers off into the realm of fantasy. It would make sense though, wouldn’t it? You see your dangerous rival agent and you’re gonna react hostile. She’s in control of the scuffle so to throw her off you KISS her and it totally works, only you ALSO throw YOURSELF off because it’s like, oh shit, maybe I’m gay for this bitch because the chemistry is unexpectedly wow. And then when the shock wears off you get to phase three, the headbutt of denial.

I’m finishing off my look with the Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara, then a generous spritz of setting spray—I’m using Urban Decay Allnighter. I’m really loving a light glossy lip look lately, something that hydrates my lips. You guys know I got my Lip Blush cosmetic tattooing done recently and I am LOVING it, so I want to let that natural-looking colour shine through instead of covering it up with a big heavy lipstick. I’m going to grab… okay I’m going to use the Colourpop Lux Gloss in the shade Let’s Be Clear, which is just a completely clear gloss, and it’s going to give my lips a gorgeous glassy shine. I like these glosses because they’re so easy to use, so moisturising, and they’re not sticky in that heavy gross kind of way. They feel very natural to wear.

If you guys have any thoughts on the bus lesbian conspiracy let me know in the comments, I would LOVE to hear any theories, or maybe you were even someone who had the original video back when it came out! Let me know, I’m gonna respond to as many of you guys’s comments as I can just like always. Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE to my channel if you haven’t already, and hit the bell so you don’t miss any of my new videos. That’s all from me, I’ll see you in my next video!


End file.
